Between frantic texts to every person we knew, I said to Katie, "I guess I didn't really hear from God."
She said, "Is this going to rock your faith?"
What I Thought I Heard
Go back a few years.
Kneeling in front of our giant couch one early morning, I heard from God.
It wasn't audible, but I swear I heard Him speak. I was sure for a few reasons:
1. What He told me came completely out of the blue. I could not have manufactured it, because I was not dwelling on the issue.
2. The message was extremely clear.
3. The words halted my internal dialogue with God. If was if I were speaking to Him, and He interrupted me (how rude).
You will have a son.
Five words. That's what I heard.
Or so I thought.
At this point in our lives, kids weren't on the horizon. I can't remember if this was before we began fostercare or not, but we had no children of our own.
When Katie got pregnant a couple years later, I was absolutely sure it was a boy. This was the fulfillment of God's Word to me.
I told everyone who asked, and many who didn't, that that zygote was a boy. I didn't even consider girl names. I even convinced Katie that it was a boy.
Many people confused this with thinking that I wanted a boy. Not true. I would have been happy with any outcome; I just knew what I heard from God.
Imagine my embarrassment when we found out the child was a girl.
His Will Is Perfect
Have you ever felt God speaking to you?
What if He really wasn’t saying anything at all? What if you just made it up in your head because it’s what you wanted to hear?
Do not fret.
God cannot lie. His word is true. One hundred percent of the time.
One verse that helped me get through this uncertainty that I felt is Romans 12:2:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
The remedy for this question is to pursue Him. Talk with Him
Does He Promise And Not Fulfill?
The answer to my wife’s question was a qualified “no.” Having a baby girl instead of a boy did not rock my faith in God. But I’m not going to lie; it did challenge my faith in my faith.
I knew that God is omniscient, infallible, benevolent. I never once questioned those things. I knew if any part of this equation was deficient that it was on my end.
For a time I felt like a terrible Christian. I had thoughts like:
I should be able to tell when God is speaking to me.
I guess my relationship isn’t as strong as I thought it was.
Who do I think I am, Abraham? Mary?
I never once was sad about having a baby girl. Not even for one second of one day—let me be clear about that. I have a love for her that I didn't even know I had the capacity for.
She brings me immeasurable joy.
And the story doesn’t end there.
Almost exactly a year after my daughter was born, Katie and I adopted our two foster sons.
Now we have another child on the way, and today we will find out the sex.
It doesn’t matter to me if it is a boy or a girl. I still believe that I heard God speak to me that day, so I still think it’s a boy.
But whatever the case may be, my faith will remain intact because God is truth, and God is faithful:
God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19
I know that if the message that I heard came from God, then He will fulfill His promise. So if it doesn't happen, then I know it wasn't from Him.
What about my two adopted sons? I haven't ruled this out, but again, the message that I heard was clear: you will have a son.
If you’re struggling with a message you may or may not have heard from God, take heart. You’re not the only one.
Continue to pursue God, and He will reveal Himself to you.
The plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Psalm 33:11
Did you ever "hear" from God, only to question it later? How did you get through the experience?
Update: 1:35 PM - It's a boy!
Update: 1:35 PM - It's a boy!
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